“Eye- blocking” is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened and/ or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates, described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to communicate our disdain toward others.
Chapter 01
“Eye- blocking” is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened and/ or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates, described above) and closing or shielding our eyes are actions that have evolved to protect the brain from “seeing” undesirable images and to communicate our disdain toward others.
Nonverbal communication can also reveal a person’s true thoughts, feelings, and intentions. For this reason, nonverbal behaviors are sometimes referred to as tells (they tell us about the person’s true state of mind). Because people are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements, which are consciously crafted to accomplish the speaker’s objectives (see box 2).
Officer McFadden’s detailed observations became the basis for a landmark U.S. Supreme Court decision (Terry v. Ohio, 1968, 392 U.S. 1) known to every police officer in the United States. Since 1968, this ruling has allowed police officers to stop and frisk individuals without a warrant when their behaviors telegraph their intention to commit a crime. With this decision, the Supreme Court acknowledged that nonverbal behaviors presage criminality if those behaviors are observed and decoded properly.
Chapter 02
Because it is uniquely responsible for our survival, the limbic brain does not take breaks. It is always “on.”
Thus, the limbic brain is considered the “honest brain” when we think of nonverbals (Goleman, 1995, 13– 29).
One of the classic ways the limbic brain has assured our survival as a species— and produced a reliable number of nonverbal tells in the process— is by regulating our behavior when confronting danger, whether it be a prehistoric man facing a Stone Age beast or a modern- day employee facing a stone- hearted boss.
In order to ensure our survival, the brain’s very elegant response to distress or threats, has taken three forms: freeze, flight, and fight.
I am sure that many of you are familiar with the phrase “fight- or- flight response,” which is common terminology used to describe the way in which we respond to threatening or dangerous situations. Unfortunately, this phrase is only two- thirds accurate and half- assed backward! In reality, the way animals, including humans, react to danger occurs in the following order: freeze, flight, fight. If the reaction really were fight or flight, most of us would be bruised, battered, and exhausted much of the time.
That strategy, or first defense of the limbic system, was to use the freeze response in the presence of a predator or other danger. Movement attracts attention; by immediately holding still upon sensing a threat, the limbic brain caused us to react in the most effective manner possible to ensure our survival. Most animals, certainly most predators, react to— and are attracted by— movement. This ability to freeze in the face of danger makes sense.
Another way people try to hide in the open is by limiting their head exposure. This is done by raising the shoulders and lowering the head— the “turtle effect.”
When we are emotionally aroused— and a good fight will do that— it affects our ability to think effectively. This happens because our cognitive abilities are hijacked so that the limbic brain can have full use of all available cerebral resources (Goleman, 1995, 27, 204– 207).
All these pacifying behaviors satisfy the same requirement of the brain; that is, the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings, releasing calming endorphins in the brain, so that the brain can be soothed (Panksepp, 1998, 272).
These stroking behaviors don’t help us to solve problems; rather, they help us to remain calm while we do. In other words, they soothe us. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.
Chapter 03
When you give it some thought, there’s good reason for the deceitful nature of our facial expressions. We lie with our faces because that’s what we’ve been taught to do since early childhood. “Don’t make that face,” our parents growl when we honestly react to the food placed in front of us. “At least look happy when your cousins stop by,” they instruct, and you learn to force a smile. Our parents— and society— are, in essence, telling us to hide, deceive, and lie with our faces for the sake of social harmony.
Remember, whether you are playing cards, doing business, or simply are engaged in a conversation with friends, happy feet are one of the most honest ways our brains truthfully exclaim, “I am elated.”
Is there a way to find out? Yes. Watch their feet and torso behavior. If they move their feet— along with their torsos— to admit you, then the welcome is full and genuine.
Interestingly, gravity- defying behaviors of the feet and legs are rarely seen in people suffering from clinical depression. The body reflects precisely the emotional state of the individual.
Hall found that the more advantaged we are socioeconomically or hierarchically, the more territory we demand. He also found that people who tend to take up more space (territory) through their daily activities also tend to be more self- assured, more confident, and of course more likely to be of higher status. This phenomenon has been demonstrated throughout human history and in most cultures.
Chapter 04
Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict (Grossman, 1996, 67– 73).
I tell college students that life is not always fair and that, unfortunately, they will be judged by their attire; therefore they need to think carefully about their clothing choices and the messages they are sending to others.
Chapter 05
Maybe I just can’t get the FBI out of me, but when I see children at a playground, I can’t help but glance at their arms to note any bruises or injuries. Sadly, there is so much child abuse in the world, and during my training I was instructed to look for the signs of neglect and abuse in children and others.
We have all read about studies where merely stroking a dog lowers a person’s heart rate and serves as a calming agent. Perhaps this is true because pets are typically so unconditional in their affections that we never have to worry about reciprocation.
Conversely, note how quickly someone who is splayed out over several chairs will withdraw his arms when questioned about something that makes him feel uncomfortable (see box 33).
Chapter 06
All of these greetings are as natural a way to express genuine sentiments as an American handshake. I am honored when an Arab or Asian man offers to take my hand because I know that it’s a sign of high respect and trust. Accepting these cultural differences is the first step to better understanding and embracing diversity.
As a general guideline, any shaking behavior that starts or stops suddenly, or is somehow markedly different from baseline behavior, deserves further scrutiny. Considering the context in which the shaking occurs, when it occurs, and any other tells that might support a specific interpretation will improve your ability to read a person correctly.
Chapter 07
Our eyes have been called the windows of the soul, so it seems appropriate to examine these two portals for nonverbal messages of emotions or thoughts. Despite music lyrics such as “your lyin’ eyes,” our eyes do express a lot of useful information. In fact, the eyes can be very accurate barometers of our feelings because, to some degree, we have very little control over them. Unlike other areas of the face that are far less reflexive in their movements, evolution has modified muscles in and around the eyes to protect them from hazards.
This behavior is often mistaken as rudeness or as personal rejection, which it is not. Nor is it a sign of deception or disinterest; in fact, it is actually a comfort display (Vrij, 2003, 88– 89). When talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. Do not assume someone is being deceptive, disinterested, or displeased just because he or she looks away.
Interestingly, babies several weeks old will already reserve the full zygomatic smile for their mothers and utilize the risorius smile for all others. If you are unhappy, it is unlikely that you will be able to smile fully using both the zygomaticus majoris and the orbicularis oculi muscles.
The sneer, like the rolling of the eyes, is a universal act of contempt. It is disrespectful and reflects a lack of caring or empathy on the part of the person doing the sneering. When we sneer, the buccinator muscles (on the sides of our face) contract to draw the lip corners sideward toward the ears and produce a sneering dimple in the cheeks. This expression is very visible and meaningful even if it is flashed for just a moment (see figure 80).
Incidentally, this frowning behavior is so ancient and so common to mammals that even dogs will recognize it when we look at them with a furrowed brow. Dogs themselves can exhibit a similar expression when they are anxious, sad, or concentrating. Another interesting fact with regard to frowning is that as we get older and add to our life experiences, our foreheads develop deeper and deeper furrows that eventually become permanent wrinkles. Just as permanent smile lines may develop from a lifetime of positive nonverbals and signify a happy life, a person with a wrinkled brow likely has had a challenging life in which he engaged in frequent frowning.
Recognizing censure is a key to learning the unwritten rules and conventions of a country or area, as it conveys when we have broken them. These signals help us know when we are being rude.
If you are confused as to the meaning of a facial expression, reenact it and sense how it makes you feel. You will find this little trick may help you decipher what you just observed. The face can reveal a great deal of information but it can also mislead. You need to look for clusters of behaviors, constantly evaluate what you see in its context, and note whether the facial expression agrees with— or is in contrast to— signals from other parts of the body.
Chapter 08
Lots of books have been written on this subject that make it sound easy, even for amateurs. I assure you, it is not!
It is my hope that readers of this book will have a more realistic and honest picture of what can and cannot be achieved through the nonverbal approach to detecting deception, and, armed with this knowledge, they will take a more reasoned, cautious approach to declaring when a person is or is not telling the truth.
Even the vaunted polygraph is accurate only 60 to 80 percent of the time, depending on the operator of the instrument (Ford, 1996, 230– 232; Cumming, 2007).
The truth is that identifying deceit is so difficult that repeated studies begun in the 1980s show that most of us— including judges, attorneys, clinicians, police officers, FBI agents, politicians, teachers, mothers, fathers, and spouses— are no better than chance (fifty- fifty) when it comes to detecting deception (Ford, 1996, 217, Ekman, 1991, 162). It is disturbing but true. Most people, including professionals, do no better than a coin toss at correctly perceiving dishonesty (Ekman & O’Sullivan, 1991, 913– 920). Even those who are truly gifted at detecting deception (probably less than 1 percent of the general population) seldom are right more than 60 percent of the time.
Pacifiers say so much. By helping us identify when a person is stressed, pacifying behaviors help us identify issues that need further focus and exploration.
The truthful don’t have to plead to be believed; they make a statement and it stands.
Chapter 09
My friend heeded his advice and within minutes located her destination. “Obviously,” she noted, “I was looking for street signs six feet or more above the ground, not six inches off the ground…. What was most incredible,” she added, “was once I knew what to look for and where to look, the signs were obvious and unmistakable. I had no trouble finding my way.”